A divorce can be one of the most stressful experiences of your life, regardless of whether you were married for a few years or a few decades. When you and your spouse have children together, adapting to life after the marriage ends can be very difficult. You will have to learn how to co-parent your children, even if you do not see eye-to-eye on everything. However, the most important thing to remember in a high-conflict divorce is to keep your children’s best interests in mind. “Parallel parenting” is an arrangement in which divorced spouses can co-parent by disengaging from each other, with limited direct contact, while remaining fully connected to their children. This version of co-parenting can be appropriate for ex-spouses who are unable to communicate with each other in a healthy or civil manner.
Co-Parenting With Your Children’s Best Interests in Mind
One of the obstacles that divorced parents often face is determining how to resolve disputes over child-related issues, such as the allocation of parental responsibilities (child custody) and parenting time (visitation). In some cases, parents can agree who will be granted the majority of the decision-making authority, including decisions regarding medical care, education, and religious upbringing. If they cannot reach a mutual arrangement, then the court will decide for them based on factors that affect the children’s best interests. For example, one parent may assume the decision-making responsibility for medical decisions, while the other parent handles anything related to educational goals. While both parents may agree on major decisions regarding their children’s upbringing, they may separately decide the logistics of day-to-day parenting when the children are in each parent’s care. That means each household might have a different set of rules related to discipline or other issues.
With parallel parenting, the ex-spouses typically only communicate through written means, such as email or text messages. That means there is limited in-person contact, face-to-face interaction such as video calls, or even phone conversations. This type of co-parenting can be especially helpful for high-conflict divorces in which the former partners do not get along and are prone to arguing. By using this method, you and your ex can work out the details of where children will stay on certain holidays via electronic means instead of getting into a heated dispute in front of the kids.