Divorcing your spouse can be extremely complicated, challenging, and emotionally draining. Not only are there many legal and financial considerations to consider, but tensions can arise when partners begin to discuss how to divide marital property and start separate lives. Contested divorces occur when both partners are unable to come to an agreement on a decision in the divorce. Couples have the option to litigate their divorce. However, this can be both time-consuming and expensive. Other alternative dispute resolutions include hybrid mediation to assist partners during a difficult divorce. 

What are Alternative Dispute Resolutions?

When a divorce is contested and disagreements rise between spouses, it can be challenging to reach a mutual decision. Couples must decide how joint assets are divided, if one spouse will owe another spousal support, and if there are children involved, how parents will divide parental responsibilities and parenting time. 

Alternative dispute resolutions are options for couples to work alongside a mediator who can facilitate productive communication between both parties and conclude the divorce without a court battle. 

Going through a divorce can be one of the most stressful things a person ever endures. According to the American Institute of Stress, divorce is second only to the death of a spouse in terms of the stress it brings to a person’s life. Although some couples will simply not be able to divorce without court intervention, preventing courtroom litigation can significantly reduce the emotional and financial costs of a divorce. For couples that are able to at least partially cooperate, mediation may be the best way to end their marriage fairly and civilly.

Mediation Puts More Control in the Hands of the Spouses

If your divorce ends up in litigation, any decision you and your spouse cannot agree to will be made by the judge. Judges can make decisions regarding spousal maintenance, child support, property division, and more. Although courts will always try to be as fair as possible, often court-ordered decisions do not fully satisfy either spouse. Mediation, on the other hand, puts much more control in the hands of the spouses. With help from the mediator, spouses negotiate and come to their own conclusions about things like property division and maintenance payments. Studies have shown that when individuals have more say over these types of decisions that they are more likely to comply with the judge’s final divorce decree. This results in fewer instances of returning to court to enforce or modify the decree. 

Very few people enjoy going to court (except, of course, for some attorneys). When divorce becomes a reality, some people make the choice to go through divorce mediation instead of litigating the matter in court. However, despite its increasing popularity, there are still many pervasive myths floating around about the mediation process. It is important to set the record straight, so that you can make an informed choice about which process may be right for you.

Myth: The mediator is there to mediate your disputes about your marriage.

Technically, this is false. A divorce mediator is a professional, often an attorney but not always, who has training in dispute resolution and will use it to help you work out a settlement. They are, in a nutshell, not “that” kind of mediator. They are not therapists or couples’ counselors. Mediators are there to facilitate the conversation so that parties can make constructive progress on divorce-related issues, including asset disposition, child custody and spousal support or alimony.

Given the current backlog in Illinois courts, many couples are choosing to forego the traditional court case when they divorce, opting instead for alternative methods such as mediation or collaborative divorce. There are multiple reasons that many are choosing to eschew the courts, but perhaps the most common is because mediation is arguably easier and less time-consuming. However, it is not for every couple, and doing research on the issue will help you decide what is best for you.

Advantages of Mediation

For many couples, the advantages of mediation are numerous. If you and your spouse are able to discuss issues amicably, mediation can be cost-effective and efficient, as you will essentially be drawing up your own divorce decree. The mediator is simply there to guide you and advise on any relevant points of law. If this is possible for you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse, you may be able to avoid the significant time and money investment, to say nothing of the psychological cost, of going to court.

The “happily ever after” promise of fairy tales often create a view of marriage as a series of elegant candlelight dinners and a conflict-free relationship. Conversely, many people may have a romanticized view of divorce, believing that it will mean the end of burdensome relationships and the beginning of a carefree life. Anyone who has ever been married or divorced would probably dispute these ideas.

It is also not uncommon for a person to have a romanticized view of divorce litigation, often fueled by movies and television shows that depict gripping courtroom dramas. In many cases, the reality is far different; the emotional and financial costs pile up and result in a protracted legal battle that takes its toll on both spouses and their children. For some couples, mediation may provide an alternative to a courtroom standoff.

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