When two parents are divorcing and have a child or children, it can be incredibly difficult for the spouses to try and determine a workable child custody agreement. Illinois recently changed the language used to describe child custody. “Parental responsibilities” refers to a parent’s ability to make important decisions in a child’s life, such as where they will attend school and what religion they will practice. “Parenting time” relates to the physical care and supervision of a child. 

If you are getting divorced in Illinois and you share children with your spouse, you will be asked to create a parenting plan that describes the allocation of parenting time and parental responsibilities. If you and your spouse cannot agree on these matters, the court may need to intervene. 

Disagreements Regarding the Parenting Plan May Necessitate Court Intervention 

Parents divorcing in Illinois use a parenting agreement or parenting plan to describe how the children will be cared for. It can be difficult for many parents to reach a mutually agreeable parenting plan. Sometimes, the court orders the parents to attend mediation, where they work with a neutral third party to develop a parenting plan. 

Parents who decide to end their marriage and get a divorce will need to make decisions about a variety of issues related to child custody. In many cases, parents may be able to agree on how to handle these issues either by negotiating a settlement or participating in mediation. If an agreement cannot be reached, litigation may be necessary, and the final decisions will be made by the judge in their case. Matters related to child custody will be addressed in a document called a parenting plan that will be incorporated into the couple’s final divorce decree.

Terms of a Parenting Plan

The two main components of child custody that will be addressed in a parenting plan are the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time. Parental responsibilities, which are commonly known as legal custody, refer to the parents’ rights to make decisions for their children. A parenting plan will describe whether parents will share some or all of the areas of responsibility equally or whether one parent will have primary or sole responsibility in certain areas. The types of responsibility that will be addressed include decisions related to children’s healthcare and medical treatment, educational matters, choice of religion, and children’s participation in religious services and training, and extracurricular activities.

Parenting time, commonly known as physical custody, refers to when children will be spending time with each parent and staying in each parent’s home. A parenting plan will specify a schedule for regular, daily parenting time, detailing the days and times when children will be in the care of each parent. Parenting time schedules will also need to be created for days that fall outside of the regular schedule, such as summer vacations, spring break, school breaks during the winter holidays, other major holidays, and special days such as children’s or parents’ birthdays, providing a full understanding of which parent will care for children on these days.

As this year draws to a close, Illinois residents and people throughout the world are no doubt looking forward to a healthier and happier new year. The coronavirus pandemic changed our way of life in 2020, and we all did our best to adjust to a “new normal.” In a concerted effort to slow the spread of the highly contagious virus, federal, state, and local officials issued orders to limit in-person gatherings and require that face masks be worn indoors. Many non-essential Illinois businesses were closed, and those that were allowed to stay open have reduced their staff and hours of operation. As a result, numerous individuals lost their jobs and filed for unemployment over the past nine months. This economic downturn has led some parents who are divorced or who were never married to worry about how they are going to pay their bills, including meeting their child support obligations.

Illinois Child Support Laws

There are many issues that need to be addressed in a divorce when children are involved, and unmarried parents may also need to consider these matters when they break up. If a couple cannot come to an agreement on certain matters, the court becomes involved. A judge will make decisions based on what is in the best interests of the children. Under Illinois law, child support orders are based on a formula that includes both parents’ net incomes. This is referred to as the Income Shares model, and it is meant to ensure that both parents contribute toward the costs of raising their children. 

Circumstances That Warrant a Child Support Order Modification

Once a child support order is issued in an Illinois divorce or child custody case, the payment amount may be modified if there is a substantial change in circumstances. For example, if a parent’s earning ability or a child’s financial needs have changed, that could be reason to request a modification. 

A divorce can be one of the most stressful experiences of your life, regardless of whether you were married for a few years or a few decades. When you and your spouse have children together, adapting to life after the marriage ends can be very difficult. You will have to learn how to co-parent your children, even if you do not see eye-to-eye on everything. However, the most important thing to remember in a high-conflict divorce is to keep your children’s best interests in mind. “Parallel parenting” is an arrangement in which divorced spouses can co-parent by disengaging from each other, with limited direct contact, while remaining fully connected to their children. This version of co-parenting can be appropriate for ex-spouses who are unable to communicate with each other in a healthy or civil manner. 

Co-Parenting With Your Children’s Best Interests in Mind

One of the obstacles that divorced parents often face is determining how to resolve disputes over child-related issues, such as the allocation of parental responsibilities (child custody) and parenting time (visitation). In some cases, parents can agree who will be granted the majority of the decision-making authority, including decisions regarding medical care, education, and religious upbringing. If they cannot reach a mutual arrangement, then the court will decide for them based on factors that affect the children’s best interests. For example, one parent may assume the decision-making responsibility for medical decisions, while the other parent handles anything related to educational goals. While both parents may agree on major decisions regarding their children’s upbringing, they may separately decide the logistics of day-to-day parenting when the children are in each parent’s care. That means each household might have a different set of rules related to discipline or other issues.

With parallel parenting, the ex-spouses typically only communicate through written means, such as email or text messages. That means there is limited in-person contact, face-to-face interaction such as video calls, or even phone conversations. This type of co-parenting can be especially helpful for high-conflict divorces in which the former partners do not get along and are prone to arguing. By using this method, you and your ex can work out the details of where children will stay on certain holidays via electronic means instead of getting into a heated dispute in front of the kids. 

The decision to end a marriage can be difficult for many reasons. In many cases, spouses may be unhappy for a long time but hesitant to end the relationship if they have a family. Studies show that the stress of a divorce can significantly impact a couple’s children. This can manifest itself in various ways, such as manipulative behavior by one or both parents. The concept of parental alienation syndrome (PAS) was first introduced by psychiatrist Richard Gardner in the 1980s. This typically occurs during or after a divorce when one parent psychologically manipulates a child into exhibiting unwarranted fear, disrespect, or hostility toward the other parent. In some cases, the manipulative parent’s ultimate goal is that the child will reject the other parent and want nothing to do with him or her. After your divorce, it is important to recognize signals that indicate PAS might be occurring to protect your child’s well-being as well as your rights to custody and parenting time.

Symptoms of Psychological Abuse

It may be natural for a child to exhibit some hostility or sadness when his or her parents split up, regardless of the child’s age. However, parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse that can have devastating effects on a child as well as the parent who is being alienated. Some of the signs and symptoms that a child may be subjected to this include the following behaviors: 

• Poor self-esteem
• Angry outbursts toward the targeted parent and other family members
• Inconsistent sleep patterns 
• Eating disorders
• Problems in school (academic or behavioral)

Manipulative Behaviors 

When a parent is actively trying to make his or her child “take sides” in a divorce, he or she may do certain things to accomplish this objective. Below are a few examples of what a parent might do to instill negative thoughts or feelings about his or her ex in a child’s mind: