Quick Tips to Improve & Reclaim Your Relationship
The kids, the housework, the job, the bills, the never-ending schedule, the dog, the cat, the spouse.
Sometimes it can become, plain and simple, overwhelming. So much so that you have given a thought or two about resigning from your marriage. But then you remember your vows and retract your resignation. You pick up the pace to avoid becoming a member of the divorce club that still affects 40 to 50 percent of all Americans today.
You may take a personal inventory and ask yourself how you can change the daily routine and banish the rut you and your spouse have recently accepted as the norm. You decide to give it another shot and get your house in order. However, if that does not work, you can always contact an experienced divorce attorney to start reconfiguring the jigsaw puzzle that is your life.
Author Harriet Lerner, PhD believes that waiting for your spouse to fix the marriage is unrealistic. It is up to you to either make the relationship work or to start the count down of the days to divorce court. In order words, your new marriage starts with you. In her recent book, Marriage Rules, Lerner offers 100 easy ways to improve the status of your marriage. But before you add a trip to the bookstore to your daily “to do” list, the below suggestions can get you started as you try to regain control of your marriage and your hectic life.
Keep It Simple
When communicating with your spouse, keep it short and sweet. “Honey, you mentioned that you were going to clean out the garage on Sunday and it is still cluttered.” Do not bring up the fact that it is now Wednesday. Nor is it advisable to tack on the other seven outstanding items on your spouse's chore list.
Take a Different Approach
Just when your spouse thinks they are going to hear it all over again, disorient him or her with a little praise. This will bring about a lighter moment that the two of you can only share.
Let the Venting Begin
Give your spouse 15 to 20 minutes a day to vent their frustrations, or praise his or her most recent achievement. During this allotted time, truly listen but also be mindful of the clock to alert your spouse that the kids could use help with their homework.
Saying “I love you” is not enough. Remind your spouse why you married in the first place. When saying those three little words, take the time to mention one of their personal qualities you admired when you were dating, perhaps their humor or compassion for others.
Ignore the Marital Experts
Besides a few of the suggestions mentioned above, Lerner believes that we all know how to repair a tired marriage. Take a chance and pick three things that you know would make your spouse happy. These could be as simple as surprising him or her with candlelight dinner (without kids), changing it up and taking on a responsibility that is normally your spouse's, or even making a favorite time-consuming dessert.
Being committed to your marriage starts with you, but if your spouse remains a reluctant participant after months of trying, it can also end with you. If you feel that the marriage has become terminally embedded in a rut it may be time to consider your alternatives.
The Law Offices of Douglas B. Warlick & Associates can help you put all the pieces together. For over 30 years, attorney Warlick has been serving Kane, Kendall, Dekalb and DuPage Counties and will personally meet with you to discuss your family law concerns. Contact us at 630-232-9700 to schedule your discounted consultation today.